coping.
we are such a lonely species.
we suppress and try to cope.
we do what we can and what we are best at doing but not what we must do.
our coping mechanism helps us survive. but not live freely.
the survival of the fittest and the evolution of the best motivates us to keep at it.
putting on a brave face and disguising our agony is what holds us together.
we weep an expression of smile and stand as a strong figure for those around us.
it looks like we have it all together. but really, we're just coping like we have been all our life.
we are such a lonely species.
timeless.
j. krishnamurti once said - "to find the timeless, to realise that which is eternal, time must stop - which means the whole process of thinking must come to an end and for the timeless to be, you must be understand memory, for without memory there is no thought. without understanding the process of the self, at whatever level that self is placed, you cannot be free of memory, and therefore you are not free of time, and hence the timeless is not."
resistance.
our mind overestimates the benefits that come with safety. safetism is overrated. safetism doesn't care about the quality of life, human nature, personal growth, or mental health. all it cares about is keeping you safe and comfortable, and it will do anything to protect you, even against your own will. this is why the mind constantly resists and rejects opportunities for eventual growth, and in the process, we ultimately lose a lot of time.
i'm learning to stop resisting and clinging to safety and just go for it because life won't wait around for me.
fear.
as henry david thoreau once said "nothing is so much to be feared as fear itself."
i believe even the fear of death is nothing compared to the fear of living in fear.
equanimity.
i've always felt that equanimity is a life-changing human quality and its lack thereof encouraged me to dig deeper.
being equanimous is to see with patience, to stand our ground, to nurture well-balanced emotions, to not react and give room to responding with wisdom and compassion. what amazes me about it is how it requires a sense of abandonment: of the self and worldly attachments. it's tricky because it can be fleeting; the balance can come and go, but what really makes a difference is to keep practising it until it becomes the master of the mind. i believe a more compelling argument would be that equanimity can lead to insensitivity and indifference. still, on a more deeper level, i think it means being non-preferential and accepting.
unmasking.
i'll never know, maybe i don't show
my deepest emotions
masking my feelings
i hide in a hole of my mind waiting for someone to care enough to see through my game
of suffering in silence and picking on others because i was picked on too
can't you see the way i mask my pain? the way i'm running too?
can't you see that my struggles take shape and camouflage what lies beneath?
i'll never know, maybe i don't show.
duality.
duality is an inevitable nature of mankind, something that will always be. the way i see it, it's not necessarily a negative trait, it just depends on how you look at it and the way you enforce it in your life. if we're accepting of it and just let it be, it becomes clear why it's such a significant force in life. because opposing nature creates a continuous cycle of balance in oneself and balance is essential to life.
numbness.
i am numb, i do not feel anything.
i am confused, i don't understand what has become of me.
i want to cry, but tears won't come.
i want to sleep, but thoughts won't stop rushing in.
i've known numbness, back in a hospital, it was pumped into my veins,
and i've learned numbness will ease my pain.
but now i'm trapped in this place, where i constantly fill myself with this numbness.
these fears, not gone, not released. the things i've guarded so close, still near to me.
numbness. now, nothing makes me sicker in the gut than this feeling.
i'm terrified of this numbness so i'm asking anyone who is listening to me,
will you tell me what to do with this numbness?
fragility.
it occurs to me that the peculiarity of most things in this world we think of as tough is how fragile they truly are. from my experiences so far, i've realised that the tougher someone is on the outside, the more fragile they are likely to be on the inside. first impressions and opinions based on face value can be highly deceiving and to unravel the truth, we must give people time.
self-discovery.
thoughts flowing, emotions lingering, body devoid of sensation,
do i really know me?
i don't remember the last time i looked in a mirror and asked,
who am i?
i don't remember if there were times when i said to myself,
yes i do.
life's been a long journey of finding answers
what's underneath this skin of mine? how many layers are waiting to be unfolded?
i don't know if i know who i am, but one thing's for sure,
i'm on a path to find out.